The Night I Bombed (for the first time)

So tonight was the fourth time I have done stand up, and honestly it was the worst. I knew it had to happen the part I'm most upset about is the fact I didn't record it. Not because I didn't want to but I hit the wrong button and couldn't do nothing to fix it. So this going to be all text, and a way for me to record for future me to learn from it.

This was the biggest crowd I have had a chance to perform in front of. And right from the beginning I was not getting much love. I joked about how the guy before me kinda looked like the 7-up guy. Maybe a chuckle. Okay no big deal went on about how this was my second time at Jesters and I was glad they didn't take out that restraining order. (No real laughs.) Unlike that Convent of Nuns. You streak them one time with "Satan Rules" written on your Ass and they get upset. (Nothing) They were yelling things like "You're going to Hell!" "Jesus loves you but you will burn!" "Why do you have such a small penis?" (Little Laugh)

I forgot what my next joke was so I try to stall by doing my 7-11 voice and started rambling. (No one was laughing) I didn't really expect a bunch of laughs but a chuckle would've been nice. So I go on and talk about Chubby Chasing Pedophiles offering Ham to fat kids. (Still nothing) Do they maybe soak it in Rum and call it Jesus Ham? (Nope) How do you piss off an Orthodox Jew? Offer his son Jesus Ham in the back in of your Rape Van. Some groans maybe a laugh but with a joke like that I figured a groan or even a boo was a good response.

Finally I figured I'd do another dark joke, (might as well nothings worked so far) and so I talked about how I'm Half Irish, Half German and I like to burn Jews. (Not even a groan or a boo) I'm joking I don't like to get drunk. That went over as well as a Fart in Diving helmet. No one laughed and I was about dead with material at this point. I try to ask the Audience for questions they were not having it. So by this point I can't even think of anything and cut myself short.

So yeah Learning experience and all that hope you learn something here Future Me.